Other Sworn Enemies to Clarity

Why Is There a "W" Code at the End of My Sentence?

Our discussion of expletive constructions and reduncies in Concision (Part 1) offered a good beginning to cleaning up our prose, but now we need to look at some other chronic offenders that frequently undercut the impact of our writing:

 

The Un-concise: A Roster of Prose Inflators
The Saga Continues!
empty words and expressions • the un-necessaries

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Empty Words and Expressions

Often we can simplify clauses into phrases and phrases into words by carefully revising out language that does not add to the meaning of the sentence:

Sentence with Empty Words	Corrected Sentence
One of the best examples in recent times of a celebrity being overexposed is that of Brittany Spears.	Brittany Spears is a recent example of an overexposed celebrity.
MiraCosta College, which was founded in 1961, has an impressive array of vocational course offerings.	Founded in 1934, MiraCosta College has an impressive array of vocational course offerings.
California Democrats, who were frustrated with Gray Davis, voted for Schwarzenegger in droves.	Frustrated Democrats voted for Schwarzenegger in droves.

You will find that many of the most pretentious sounding "filler" phrases that we have all mastered have much more succinct and clear alternatives.

Wordy Phrase	Concise Alternative
due to the fact that in view of the fact that the reason for for the reason that this is why in light of the fact that on the ground that	for, because, why
despite the fact that regardless of the fact that	although, though
as regards in reference to concerning the matter of where...is concerned	concerning, about, regarding
it is necessary that there is a need for it is important that	should, must
has the ability to is able to is in a position to	can
in order to for the purpose of	to
at this point in time	now
on the subject of	on , about
as a matter of fact	actually
aware of the fact that	know
to the effect that	that
the way in which	how
in the event that	if, when

Web Resource

For an even more developed list of wordy expressions and alternatives to them, visit Garbl's Concise Writing Guide's list of wordy phrases

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The Un-necessaries

Unnecessary Intensifiers

Nine out of ten times, you can revise words such as very, really, clearly, quite,and of course from your sentences.

From: California's geographic diversity is very unique.

To: California's geographic diversity is unique.

From: California's natural beauty is really great.

To: California's natural beauty is inspiring.

Unnecessary Hedges

Qualifying your arguments is always a good idea. For this reason, words likeapparently, seem, perhaps, possibly, and some can play a useful role in a writer's toolbox. But overuse can also considerably weaken your prose:

Example:

In most situations, California's complex economy tends to generate enough revenue to satisfy our insatiable appetite for public services.

Revision

California's complex economy often generates enough revenue to satisfy our insatiable appetite for public services.

 

Page Updated: January 31, 2009

Instructor: Jim Sullivan
College Web Site: Miracosta College